Seems fitting.

brandy October 2nd, 2008

She put him out like the burnin’ end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin’ to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

1st Chorus
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I’ll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

2nd Chorus
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

Everything Dies in October.

brandy October 2nd, 2008

It Falls

It breaks

Its cold

It aches

It takes……………………..without giving back

Everything Dies in October

Pancakes and Sunshine

brandy April 17th, 2008

After leaving behind a long night of drinking and self pitty, due to  complicated issues I won’t bore you with now, I woke up on Saturday morning to the sun shining, the birds singing…. and I hated them for being so happy.

Trying to find a way to cheer my self up, I called my sister Crystal, to see if she wanted to go to a baseball game. It was at that time that I was made aware that all the girls in my family would be at a salon doing the typical girly things, and for the first time in a very long time…. I wanted to do it too.

So off I went… stopping along the way for some McDonnalds pancakes, because how can you start your day off wrong if you have pancakes?

I ate my pancakes in the car and drove to the salon to play “dress up” with the girls. We did it all…. Hair, Wax, Eyebrows, Make up….  And I felt a tiny bit normal again.

After our fun was over at the salon, Crystal and I went back to her new house and what was planned as a nice little “catching up with eachothers lives” session… became something much much more. Our heart to heart took a turn that I would never have expected, and I began to unload and confess all my burdens with her.

After several hours of confessions and tears, and for the first time in YEARS… I felt uplifted, and unconditionally LOVED by someone, as we both lay on the bed crying and hugging.

Later, I ended up doing it all over again with my brother, whom I once had a very very close connection with, but had somehow let it fade over time. We shared our souls with eachother. The tears began to flow into healing waters, and once again…. I felt unconditional LOVE.

Once my burdens were lifted, and the tears had cleard from my eyes….. so did the clouds and the sun came out inside me.

I spent the rest of the weekend with them, coloring with chalk on their new driveway, while smoking hookah, and basking in the warmth of family love. 

Today, I woke with peace and excitement. knowing that I am at the beginning of a growing experience that will involve change. Normaly that would scare the hell out of me, but not today.

Today……. I had pancakes for breakfast.

AAGGHH….

brandy April 2nd, 2008

Today is an ” I HATE MEN” day.

 Enough said.

 Cane.

Forced Reflection.

brandy January 30th, 2008

We all feel it.

The sands slipping away. The whisper of life urging us to give it reason to let us keep living.

Pleading with us to make it understand …why?….. what have we done that matters?

Most of us live in a world of rush and hurry, save for one day.

One day out of the year……. we stop.

Stop, and take it all in.

What we have done, … what we have missed,….what we thought we would be doing by now…

We reflect for a moment on our lives up to this mark.

And we want to run.

It is not the day its self that we fear, but the knowledge that we know we can not resist looking into that mirror of truth.

It reflects what we feel, but don’t want to face…

 That time never stops.

And there are no second chances.

That one day out of the year, you give your self no choice but to see your self for who you really are…

And mourn what you failed to become.

In my own little way.

brandy September 6th, 2007

Lately you’ve been off your game.

Clouded mind and crooked aim.

There’s peices of the sky all around you.

Only God knows where you’ve been.

I told you I would take you in,

But everybody knows your already gone.

***So I say a prayer for you

In my own little way.

I know the night will find it’s way to day,

So I say a prayer for you.***

I know you want to find a place

And disappear without a trace.

Drifting in a pool of memory’s tears.

And your no religious man,

Never knowing quite where to stand,

But I’ll raise my voice the best I can.

***And I’ll say a prayer for you,

In my own little way.

I know the night will find it’s way to day,

So I’ll say a prayer for you,****

Even though I don’t know what to say.

I know I’ve got to let you find your way…

I’ll say a prayer for you.

 

Song in the head

brandy August 20th, 2007

THE DIFFERENCE-  Matchbox 20

Slow dancing on the boulevard
In the quiet moments while the city’s still dark
Sleepwalking through the summer rain and the tired spaces
You could hear her name when she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothing but her love and affection
She was crazy for you
Now she’s part of something that you lost

[Chorus]

And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be

Night swimming in her diamond dress
Making small circles move across the surface
Stand watching from the steady shore
Feeling wide open and waiting for
Something warm and tender
Now she’s moving further from you
There was nothing that could make it easy on you
Every step you take reminds you that she’s walking wrong

[Chorus]

Yeah, for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Every word you never said
Echoes down your empty hallway
And everything that was your world
Just came down

Day breaking on the boulevard
Feel the sun warming up your second hand heart
Light swimming right across your face
And you think maybe someday, yeah
Maybe someday

[Chorus]

For all you know
Yeah, this could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Yeah, for all you know
For all you know
Yeah, for all that you know
This is what you wanna be
Girl, what you wanna be.

-Yup. Stuck. I can not for the life of me get this out of my head.

I dunno why but for some reason this song has decided to haunt me until I die.

As with a nagging child, I am attempting to give this song the proper amount of attention in hopes that it will satisfy  and let me alone.

Now… be gone with you song!

Cane.